Ways To Save MORE Money For ME!
Some of you unfortunate freaks are unfortunately poor. It just highlights how much more of a failure you really are. Thank Goddess I'm here. I'll show you that even a doughless doughboy like yourself can turn himself into a prime piggy bank for Me to break! It doesn't matter if you actually make a nice buck for Me to take - there are ALWAYS ways to SAVE and SEND MORE MORE MORE!
Now that you've found Me, there's no reason for you to have a family! I'm your best friend, your mother, your saviour, your SUN AND YOUR MOON! Your life revolves around Me now, and those cash-sucking zombies need to be zapped out of the picture! No girlfriends, no wifeys, nada! It's Mine - ALL MINE!
Sure, you might be a loser without a career who'd never get a moment of My Time, but who knows, you could be sitting on a veritable goldmine that's MINE! Get your lazy ass off the computer, dig through your closets, cabinets and garage and put all the crap you no longer need in a MUST SELL FOR GODDESS pile! If it's spring/summer - hold the mother of garage sales for MOI! If it's just too cold to pawn on the lawn, become an Ebay powerseller! Auction, auction, auction! Those auction junkies are FREAKS who'll buy ANYTHING! You never know what that old piece of junk could net Me!
Set up a special savings account just for Me and have your bank take money out of your checking account every week and put it into MY savings account. Transfer it monthly to ME!
Pack-a-day habit? That's easily $5 a day you're wasting on you! That equals around $1,800 a year of MY MONEY - not to mention what it saves you on old fart health insurance. Find it too hard to quit, you spineless sissy? I'll put you through My "Alternative Things To Suck On" program and I guarantee you won't be craving a ciggie in your dirty hole!
Forget about hopping in your fancy little car and zipping about town - it's time to go Goddess! It's kinda like going Green, but for a better cause! Join a carpool, take public transportation, or here's a novel idea - get off your ass and ride a bike! Then you'll have fab stories to tell the grandkiddies you'll never have: "I remember the times when I had to ride my bike 10 miles to work because I was suffering and saving for the Most Amazing Woman in The World! Those were the days!!"
The average consumer spends about $1,750 a year on clothing and its upkeep. Stop buying new clothes, shoes and the like! You don't deserve ANYTHING NEW! Be thrifty! Shop at Goodwill, Salvation Army and other thrift stores. Visit craigslist.com and check the FREE section in your city. After you sell all of your furniture, you may have the privilege of finding some free junk to put in your tiny apartment.
You're going to start putting that Sunday paper to work for Me, and become a coupon-clipping housewife! That's right, by cutting down the quality and amount of food that gets swallowed down that chute of yours, you get the pleasure of providing Me with MORE of what I WANT! And think about it, you don't really need that much, now do you? Not only are you going to clip, clip, clip away - you can start to shop at discounted grocery stores - no more brand name canned goods for you! Generic all the way! Ramen noodles in bulk!
And as a special treat for all of your thoughtfulness and cutbacks, I'll send you to a soup kitchen a few times a month and that way you eat COMPLETELY FREE! It will truly be the best meal you ever ate, knowing that you were basically a homeless beggar for the Most Beautiful Bitch Ever! Come to think of it, you could probably eat there everyday! Humiliating hunger was never so tasty!
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